What is a First Look?

INTRODUCTION ///

Recently, I seem to be getting asked a lot of the same questions. Questions about wedding days – timelines, formal photos, etiquette etc. and it got me thinking: if I am getting these questions from just my small circle of influence, I bet’cha a lot of other people out there have the same questions!

I’ve considered answering a bunch of these questions on my blog before, but always got held up by thinking: who am I to write on these topics? I’m no expert – there are so many other people out there who are so much more qualified than I am!

But then I realized: I’m answering these questions over and over again for my brides & grooms – why am I not qualified? Sure, there are plenty of people out there [photographers, planners, coordinators] who are much more knowledgable than I am, but I’ve been doing this long enough – I’d like to think I have some wisdom on these topics too! I must – since I’m getting asked these questions & I’m capable of answering them!

So, I decided to go ahead and write some posts answering some “common” questions! I know – every wedding and every situation is different & if you fall into the “different” boat, I’d love to discuss your specific situation further with you! Or maybe you have a question you’d like me to dive into? I’d love to! Leave me a comment, send me an email [I have a new email address! It’s kara@karaabbey.com], or hit me up on Instagram – it all makes it’s way back to me, so, ask away!

WHAT IS A FIRST LOOK ///

So, why not jump in head first & tackle a HUGE question first?
Let’s start at the beginning.

Traditionally, with the dawn of a wedding day, the bride & groom must be kept separate. These two people, who have been inseparable and who are about to join their lives together forever are not allowed to see each other. That’s how your Grandparents did it and your parents and that’s more than likely how you’ve imagined your own wedding day enfolding.

Brides & grooms today are all about breaking away from old traditions. They have realized that their wedding day is their own & even though most still carry through with the typical wedding day traditions – some are blazing a new trail. They want their day to be about them and they want to be in control of what their day looks like. This new generation of brides & grooms are “mold-breakers”.

One of the “molds” that many have decided to break is the tradition of the groom seeing his bride for the first time as she walks down the aisle at the ceremony. Instead – they choose to orchestrate a private moment, to see each other before the ceremony begins. This is what the wedding industry has decided to call a “first-look”.

There are many different reasons why a couple would decide to have a first look on their wedding day and there are several reasons that I will suggest it when meeting with a bride & groom.

• Timeframe. If the wedding is scheduled to be at sunset or after dark – I will suggest a first look in order to do family photos, bridal party photos, and formal photos of the bride & groom prior to the ceremony. Especially with me as the wedding photographer – I specialize in natural light & shooting outdoors – without the sun, that’s an impossible task! So, if a wedding is set to take place right at sunset or even later in the evening, doing a first look allows you to still have beautiful formal photos taken!
• Nerves. If the bride [or groom] know that they are prone to high-anxiety, the thought of walking down the aisle with 150+ of their closest friends & family standing by & watching can be extremely nerve-wracking! Wedding days in general can be very overwhelming and can cause a lot of anxiety and stress. Who better to calm you down & re-center your thinking than your soon-to-be-spouse? Seeing each other before the ceremony has this magical calming effect – I promise! If just thinking about the ceremony portion of your wedding day makes you sick to your stomach – a first look will definitely give you a sense of peace!
• Family & friends. Let’s face it: a bride & groom truly do not have a ton of time to visit with their guests on a wedding day. It’s a sad, awful truth. Typically, you see each of your guests as you great them in a receiving line, maybe you make time to walk around after dinner & greet each table, but there honestly is very little time to catch-up with friends & family members – especially those who traveled in from out of town for your big day! If you follow the traditional pattern of a wedding day, after your ceremony, your guests go off to cocktail hour, while you rush through all of the formal photos that need taken. By the time you are finished, it is time for dinner. The rest of the evening is full of dancing, cutting the cake, bouquet and garter tosses and there is so little time to see your guests. How could you remedy this? If you schedule a first look and we do all of the formal photos before the ceremony – you will be free to enjoy cocktail hour with your guests! A full hour to visit and chat and catch-up!
• Photos. Like previously mentioned: traditionally, a wedding photographer is only given about 60 minutes to complete all of the formal photos on a wedding day. Honestly – that’s not a lot of time. Family photos can easily take up 30 minutes [and if you have a large family or request a lot of special groupings, it can take even longer]. Then I want to take a variety of fun and formal photos of you and your closest friends – your bridal party – so there goes another 20 minutes. Wait, that leaves just 10 minutes to take photos of the two most important people of the day? Trust me – that’s not a lot of time! So, if photography is very important to you & you’d rather go about things at a more relaxed pace – doing a first look is wonderful. It gives me this whole extra bubble of time to capture the happiest day of your life.

There are many pros & cons in making the decision of doing a first look or not. I won’t get into all the arguments against it – I can only state what I know.
Derrick & I did a first look on our wedding day.
We decided to do a first look because ultimately: the most important thing was our photography. We hired an amazing photographer and we wanted to give her ample time to document our day. We saw each other prior to the ceremony & then took all of our family photos before-hand. This allowed them to enjoy cocktail hour with so many of our extended family who had traveled in for our special day. We decided not to join them for cocktail hour, because, we wanted more photos! We took our bridal party to a park & walked around like celebrities, having the time of our lives. It was so much fun!

The biggest objection I hear when I talk to couples about a first look is, “But it will take away from that moment. The moment we’ve thought about forever – the bride walking down the aisle.” That is true – to a certain degree. Let’s face it: the bride & groom are going to see each other on their wedding day – whether it’s at the ceremony or an hour before – that moment will happen. The question is, do you want to experience that moment in private or in front of all of your guests?
Maybe that question truly doesn’t matter to you, but the amount of time you will get to spend with your guests does. And so, being able to spend cocktail hour with your friends & family is the most important thing.
Maybe neither of those things rank as high on your list of “musts” on your wedding day – but your photography does. And you want to be able to spend ample, relaxed time on your wedding day with your photographer, so she can create those beautiful, timeless images that you will cherish for the rest of your life.

My biggest piece of advice: don’t let anyone pressure you one way or the other.
If you have dreamed of that walking-down-the-aisle moment for as long as you can remember – than go for it! There’s nothing wrong with keeping with tradition!
But if you are wanting to plan a wedding day that is a little out-of-the-box and more YOU – than go for it! There’s nothing wrong with breaking the mold!
In the end – do what makes you feel the most comfortable & is going to make you the most happy. You can’t go back and re-do your wedding day – so plan it the way you want – and I promise that I will support you either way!