What to do with Wedding Day Disappointments

A wedding day.
A couple’s “Day 1”.
Arguably the biggest, most planned and thought out, most expensive singular day in a couple’s lives (typically).

And it’s gone in the blink of an eye.

Most little girls dream of their future wedding days from the time they are little and know what a “wedding” is. They put different guys they know (in real life and from movies) into the “groom” roll and imagine what their day might look like when they are the bride.

Having years of pre-conceived notions, hopes, and dreams can really put on a mountain of pressure when Prince Charming does come along and an actual wedding is being planned.

Here’s the bad news though (and I hate to say this, but someone has to):
Your wedding day will not go as planned.

I have been a part of celebrating over 100 wedding days as a professional vendor, so I have seen it all. (And, if I haven’t seen it, I’ve probably heard about it from my close circle of wedding vendor friends.)

It’s such a big day, with so many moving parts, something is bound to go wrong.
And you know what? That is completely normal!

Things go wrong at every single wedding day.

So, the way I see it, you have two options:
-You can accept that fact, work super-de-duper hard to make sure your wedding day runs as best as it can, and then determine that you will happily roll with whatever happens.
-Or, you can deny that fact, work super-de-duper hard to make sure your wedding day runs as best as it can, and then have to deal with the anxiety & disappointment when something does goes wrong. (Because, it will.)

So, here are a few things to think about that might help wrap your head around your imperfectly perfect day.

Is It Going To Matter In 10 Years?

Derrick & I are about to celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary and I can say for a fact that so many of the little things we (I) worried about on our wedding day, have long since passed out of my memory.

In fact, looking through photos and watching our wedding video brings back some of those memories (for example: I burned my hand on a hot glue gun the week before the wedding and had completely forgotten about it until I was looking through our photos a year or two ago). I know there were things I agonized over that I have since forgotten about and will never remember again. (What did our centerpieces look like? I have no idea – I never noticed them on our wedding day. I do remember that I really fussed about them though.)

And let’s be honest: those things did not deserve an ounce of my attention or anxiety.

IF THOSE THINGS ARE GOING TO MATTER..

If You Can Fix It, Fix It

Not happy with your cake? Have another one made to cut & eat.
Not happy that a family member couldn’t make it to your wedding? Put on your wedding clothes and go visit them.
Not happy that you missed actually eating & enjoying your dinner? Go back to the restaurant (or wherever the caterer works out of) and order a duplicate meal to enjoy!
If it is within your control to fix something – go ahead and fix it! Even if you have to get creative!

So many couples did this in 2020! The pandemic screwed up just about every single wedding planned and so couples had to make some really big, really tough decisions: downsize? find a new location? postpone?
Was it hard? You bet your britches. But did it all work out? Yes.

If You Can’t Fix It, Just Walk Away

Wardrobe malfunctions
Sickness
Decorations that don’t work
Bouquets that aren’t as ordered
Mistakes during the ceremony
Missed events during the reception
There are just certain moments on a wedding day that cannot be fixed.

It’s hard to keep things in perspective, especially when you’re in the moment (a moment that’s supposed to be happening one way but is actually going sideways). It’s extremely difficult to step back and remember the big picture – but if an issue is occurring that is out of your control – it’s out of your control.

It’s okay to shed a few tears – after all, you’ve worked SUPER hard to make your wedding day happen! Whether you cry a bit in the moment or save your tears for the following days/weeks as you process things – it’s 100% fine.

The Bottom Line

But after you’ve shed your tears, remember the big picture: you’re getting married and your wedding day is just the beginning. It’s just your Day 1.

Life will hand you bucket-fulls of disappointments and practicing handling a few disappointments well on your wedding day, simply sets you up to continue handling disappointments through the rest of your life.

Do I have regrets from our wedding day? Yes (spoiler alert: everyone does).
Have I forgotten most of those regrets? Yes.
Do any of the things I regret really matter in the long run? No.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what goes wrong (here’s a lightbulb moment for you: 95% of the “problems” that happen on wedding days, the guests don’t even realize occur!) If you walk away from your wedding day married to the love of your life – the day was a smashing success.
And that is all that truly matters.