What Is A First Look? (Updated)

WELL – it’s officially been 3 years since the last “official” time I wrote about First Looks. And before that, it had been 3 years since the “first” official time I wrote about it. So, it seemed about time to re-visit, re-vamp & return to this topic of: “What Is A First Look?”

Some of the information I am sharing in this post I have shared before – because let’s be honest: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, am I right?
However, over the course of the last few years, I’ve really come to fall in love with First Look moments. I mean, I’ve always loved when a couple would choose to do one in the past, but I was really neutral on them.
If a couple decided they wanted to do one: great!
If a couple decided they didn’t want to do a First Look: great!

But, more and more, I’ve seen the benefits of doing a First Look – especially from a photographic standpoint & from a timeline standpoint (meaning, having time to do everything you want do on a wedding day).

I still refuse to put any sort of pressure on my couples one way or the other (it is their wedding day after all!) There are photographers out there who will heavily lean on their couples to schedule a First Look – but I won’t do that.
However, if you’re on the fence & you want to talk about it: go over some pros & cons and visualize what doing a First Look vs. not doing a First Look would look like – I’m happy to share my thoughts & experiences & help you make an educated decision.

I mean – let’s be honest: this moment could not happen at the altar!

What Is A First Look?

Traditionally, with the dawn of a wedding day, a bride & groom are kept separate. These two people, who have been inseparable, and who are about to join their lives together forever, are not “allowed” to see each other. That’s how your Grandparents did it and your parents and that’s more than likely how you’ve imagined your own wedding day unfolding.

However, brides & grooms today are all about breaking away from old traditions. They have realized that their wedding day is their own & even though most still carry through with the typical wedding day traditions – some are blazing a new trail. They want their day to be about them and they want to be in control of what their day looks like. This new generation of brides & grooms are “mold-breakers”.

One of the “molds” that many have decided to break is the tradition of the groom seeing his bride for the first time as she walks down the aisle at the ceremony. Instead – they choose to orchestrate a private moment, to see each other before the ceremony begins. This is what the wedding industry has decided to call a “First Look”.

So, what is a First Look? It’s a private space in time, for the bride & groom to see each other before the wedding day festivities & celebrations begin. It’s a time for them to honestly & emotionally react to seeing each other (without the pressure of all of their guests watching). And a time for them to spend in quiet peace, soaking in the day that is before them – a day they’ve been waiting for their entire lives.

Why Do A First Look?

There are many different reasons why a couple would decide to have a First Look on their wedding day.

• Nerves. If the bride (or groom) know that they are prone to high-anxiety, the thought of walking down the aisle with a whole crowd of their closest friends & family standing by & watching can be extremely nerve-wracking! Wedding days, in general, can be very overwhelming and can cause a lot of anxiety and stress. Who better to calm you down & re-center your thinking than your best friend? Seeing each other before the ceremony has this magical calming effect that I have witnessed take place in both brides & grooms! If just thinking about the ceremony portion of your wedding day makes you sick to your stomach – a First Look will definitely give you a sense of peace! It releases the tension & all of the pressure as you proceed down the aisle.
• Family & Friends. Let’s face it: a bride & groom truly do not have a ton of time to visit with their guests on a wedding day. It’s a sad, awful truth. Typically, you see each of your guests as you great them in a receiving line, maybe you make time to walk around after dinner & greet each table, but there honestly is very little time to catch-up with friends & family members – especially those who traveled in from out of town for your big day. If you follow the traditional pattern of a wedding day, after your ceremony, your guests go off to cocktail hour, while you rush through all of the formal photos that need to be taken. By the time you are finished, it is time for dinner. The rest of the evening is full of dancing, cutting the cake, bouquet and garter tosses, and there is so little time to see your guests. How could you remedy this? If you schedule a First Look and we do all of the formal photos before the ceremony – you will be free to enjoy cocktail hour with your guests! A full hour to visit and chat and catch-up!
• Timeframe. If the wedding is scheduled to be at sunset or after dark – a First Look will allow family photos, bridal party photos, and formal photos of the bride & groom to be taken prior to the ceremony. If a wedding is set to take place right at sunset or even later in the evening, doing a First Look allows you to still have beautiful formal photos taken during “Golden Hour” (which is traditionally the last 2 hours before the sun officially sets). Flash is fun & can do some amazing things, but there is simply nothing to replace just how beautiful the sun is!
• Photos. Like previously mentioned: traditionally, a wedding photographer is only given about 60 minutes to complete all of the formal photos on a wedding day. Honestly – that’s not a lot of time. Family photos can easily take up 30 minutes (and if you have a large family or request a lot of special groupings, it can take even longer). Then I want to take a variety of fun and formal photos of you and your bridal party, so there go another 20 minutes. Wait, that leaves just 10 minutes to take photos of the two most important people of the day? Trust me – that’s not a lot of time! So, if photography is very important to you & you’d rather go about things at a more relaxed pace, doing a First Look is wonderful. It gives me this whole extra bubble of time to capture the happiest day of your life.
• Fresh. This may sound silly, or even a bit conceited, but let’s just think this through for a few moments. Most wedding days take place in warmer months of the year. Over half of my weddings take place outdoors. Seeing as it’s one of the biggest days of their life: a very large amount of money will go into a bride & groom’s appearance. From the dress & tux, to pedicures & manicures, to hot shaves & special haircuts, to hair & makeup appointments, to jewelry & accessories – what a bride & groom look like on their wedding day is a big deal. If a bride & groom want to look their absolute best for photos – why would they wait several hours after having their hair & makeup professionally done to be photographed? And especially on hot summer days, you know what happens to hair & makeup: everything starts heading south. Choosing to do a First Look guarantees that you will look your absolute best in images from your wedding day – and personally, I don’t think that’s selfish or conceited at all.

Why Not A First Look?

Most of the time, when I am initially talking to a bride & groom about their wedding photography – I am one of the first vendors that they are talking to.

They book their venue & set their date, maybe the bride goes dress shopping, maybe they begin to look around for a DJ and videographer – but most of the time, I’m talking to them very early in the wedding planning process.
And most of the time, I’ve found that couples instinctively know whether they want to see each other before the ceremony or not.

Maybe the bride has spent her entire life dreaming of the moment that the church doors open, the guests all stand up, and she glides down the aisle to her groom.

Maybe the groom has spent his entire life dreaming of the moment that the church doors open the guests all stand up, and he sees his beautiful bride walking down the aisle toward him.

Growing up, we all attended weddings & like it or not, what we saw left impressions on us. Sometimes, those impressions go deep down into our souls, grow roots, and the thought of yanking those assumptions up & replacing them with something else is painful.

If you have dreamed of that walking-down-the-aisle moment for as long as you can remember – then go for it! There’s nothing wrong with keeping with tradition!

In the end – do what makes you feel the most comfortable & is going to make you the happiest. You can’t go back and re-do your wedding day – so plan it the way you want – and I promise that I will support you either way!

MY BIGGEST PIECE OF ADVICE IS: DON’T LET ANYONE PRESSURE YOU ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.

There are many pros & cons in making the decision to do a First Look or not. Personally: I can only state what I know – Derrick & I did a First Look on our wedding day.

We decided to do a First Look because ultimately: the most important thing was our photography. We hired an amazing photographer and we wanted to give her ample time to document our day. We saw each other prior to the ceremony & then took all of our family photos before-hand. This allowed our family to enjoy cocktail hour with so many of our extended family who had traveled in for our special day. We decided not to join them for cocktail hour, because, we wanted more photos! We took our bridal party to a park & walked around like celebrities, having the time of our lives. It was so much fun!

The biggest objection I hear couples talk to me about doing a First Look is, “But it will take away from that moment. The moment we’ve thought about forever – the bride walking down the aisle.” That is true – to a certain degree. But let’s be honest: the bride & groom are going to see each other on their wedding day – whether it’s at the ceremony or two hours before – that moment will happen. The question is, do you want to experience that moment in private or in front of all of your guests?

Maybe that question truly doesn’t matter to you, but the amount of time you will get to spend with your guests does. And so, being able to spend cocktail hour with your friends & family is the most important thing.

Maybe neither of those things rank as high on your list of “musts” on your wedding day – but your photography does. And you want to be able to spend ample, relaxed time on your wedding day with your photographer, so she can create those beautiful, timeless images that you will cherish for the rest of your life.

Ultimately – you do you. If you don’t mind breaking the mold & have no attachment to when you see your soon-to-be husband/wife on your wedding day – then plan your day around what you want! And don’t let anyone sway you otherwise.

First Look Alternatives

I will add one more note:
If you know you don’t want to do a First Look, but you still want to do something special before your ceremony – there are alternatives!!

I wrote a whole blot post sharing some of the different things my couples have done to still take a moment before the ceremony to quietly soak in the fact that they’re getting married! I’ll probably update that post here soon, but in the meantime, you can check it out here: First Look Alternatives.