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As a wedding photographer – I obviously attend a lot of weddings. (Can I get a “DUH!”)
And (as a wedding photographer who attends a lot of weddings) I have quite a long list of stories I could tell about wedding GUESTS.
Which got me thinking: I should write a blog post about how to be an AMAZING wedding GUEST!
Let’s be honest: most people do not attend “a lot” of weddings on a regular basis. Sure, there might be one or two wedding seasons that you attend a whole host of weddings (because your friend circles from high school and/or college end up all getting married at the same time), but outside of that season, you might only attend one or two weddings ever 3-5 years (and that might even be a generous assumption).
So, that got me thinking: maybe people truly should have a “wedding day refresher” before they attend a wedding.
And, that’s what I’m here for.
I actually polled my Instagram audience a few months ago for tips that they would give people on how to be the BEST wedding guest EVER – and I’ve incorporated some of their ideas in this list, along with my own thoughts that I’ve gathered as a full time wedding photographer of 14 years.
10 Ways To Be The Ultimate Wedding Guest
- RSVP right away.
Listen, you (typically) know as soon as you receive the wedding invitation whether you can go or not, so why wait? Fill out that RSVP card (or get onto the couples’ wedding website) and respond to their invitation as soon as you can! Don’t put it off! You’ll just forget (be honest, you will).
Bonus Tip: Further, when you RSVP, don’t attempt to add guests to your invitation that were not invited – this includes your children. If a guest, or your children, were not invited, do not attempt to add them onto the guest list. I have news for you: weddings are expensive and if the couple does not have room in their budget for additional guests or your children, that’s the end of the story. Do not make the couple feel bad by you asking if someone else can come with you and forcing the bride and groom to have to say, “No.” - Don’t call or text the bride or groom on their wedding day.
Please, for the love of everything, do not attempt to contact the bride or groom on the biggest, most stressful, most intensive, most nerve-wracking, most craziest day of their lives. If you need something (whether due to your own poor planning or otherwise) – call or text ANYONE else. The bride and groom should not be giving you directions, reminding you of what time the ceremony starts, helping you find a ride, or answering your questions about what you should wear. Call a friend, call a family member, ask Google – but leave the bride and groom out of your questions on their wedding day. - Dress appropriately.
This might involve doing a little research into the venue (especially if the bride and groom haven’t specified a “dress code” in their invitation) but allow the venue choice to guide your attire decisions. If the venue is a ballroom or country club, you’ll want to dress up a bit more formally than if the venue is a backyard or banquet hall.
If the wedding is going to be outside, plan for it to be warm (or raining).
If the wedding is going to be inside, bring a sweater.
Bonus Tip: Above all else, wear comfortable shoes and do NOT take them off! I watch in horror at just about every single wedding as ladies shed their super-uncomfortable super-high-heels on the dance floor. Then inevitably, someone drops a glass and it shatters, all while there are 20 ladies running around that dance floor, with music blaring, in bare feet. - Don’t go looking for the bride or groom before the ceremony.
I can’t tell you how many times random old friends, Great Aunts (bless their souls), or long lost cousins come wandering in “accidentally” to where the bride or groom is getting ready or waiting for their ceremony to begin. No bride or groom is going to kick Great Aunt Susan out, but it always ruins a moment – whether they are getting dressed, having an emotional moment with their parents, or just attempting to calm their own nerves in the quiet moments before walking down the aisle. I promise, there will be plenty of time for you to get your hugs and tears and well-wishes in after the ceremony – do not skip the line and try to do it before. - Arrive ON TIME (at the least) – if not a few minutes early.
Please, do NOT be that person attempting to sneak in while the bride is walking down the aisle. Or that person sneaking in 10 (20, or 30!!) minutes into the ceremony. It’s awkward (and distracting) for everyone.
Look up directions, plan to hit traffic, leave a few minutes earlier than you need to and just arrive on time. The end. - Sit closer to the front of the ceremony.
It’s just normal human nature: most people tend to gravitate toward the back of anything: church services, college classes, wedding ceremonies, etc. But here’s the problem with that: sure, you have your front rows that are reserved for the immediate family of the bride and groom, but then so many times, I see several EMPTY rows before the guests begin filling the seats. This leaves strange “holes” in your ceremony – which looks strange in photographs and videos.
I promise, no one is going to bite – sit closer to the front. It’s more fun up there anyway. - Respect the “rules” requested by the bride & groom.
If the couple requests an unplugged ceremony (whether it’s via a large sign at the entrance to the ceremony, printed in their program, or it’s spoken out loud by the Officiant – and maybe all three), put your phone away. I know, this is SUPER difficult to do, especially in our digital age where we love to take photos and videos of EVERYTHING. But, it’s the bride and groom’s wedding day! If they don’t want you to have your phone out, DON’T.
We don’t blink an eye if we attend a show or concert that requests no phones out during the performance, so why should we balk at a bride and groom making the same request?
Bonus Tip: If you do take photos at a wedding (respecting the requests of the bride and groom of course), please send the bride and groom any photos you take! Don’t be a hoarder – share! - Compliment as many people as you can.
Of course you’re going to tell the bride that she’s stunning and the groom that he’s so handsome, but tell other people too! This is a big day for the bride and groom yes, but it’s also a big day for Grandparents, Parents, Godparents, Siblings, etc. Tell them how amazing they look too!
I feel like the most “left out” person is typically the Mother of the Groom – so make it a specific goal to seek her out and tell her not only how beautiful she looks, but how wonderful the wedding day is. - Bring a thoughtful gift & put it in the card box/at the gift table.
Please do not try to hand your gift directly to the bride or groom – what are they doing to do with it? (Obviously if there are exceptions to this rule, but I’ve seen SO many people hand brides and grooms cards and then walk away and the bride and groom look at each other and shrug not knowing what to do with this card they’ve been handed.)
There are always specific places for gifts to be placed – take a walk around the reception and figure it out. - Participate and have fun!
No one wants a grump over in the corner! Eat when everyone is eating, mingle with the other guests, and when the dance floor opens – go dance.
No bride or groom wants to look around their reception and see a bunch of cantankerous people, sitting with their arms crossed, glaring at the dance floor. Did I mention that weddings are expensive? Enjoy yourself! SMILE! Dance! Have fun! It’s not ever day you get to attend a wedding, so make the most of it!
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