How To Strengthen Your Marriage During COVID-19

It has taken me a few days to even come to the place of thinking about writing this post. According to my “blog calendar”, I had another topic to write about today, but it just seems so insignificant now. You know? Like, normal, every-day things suddenly feel so silly (or trivial) compared to the heaviness that is currently crashing down on the world & society.

So much has happened & changed in the last 5 days – it’s been a whirlwind (to say the very least). I still think I’m in shock over how quickly we went from: this is just some virus over in China, to suddenly: Walt Disney World is closing down – say what?! Disney never closes it’s gates – so when the news broke that both the Disney Land and Disney World resorts would be shutting down, that’s when things started to get really scarily real.

After residing in a fog for a few days, I feel like I might finally be beginning to wrap my head around the current situation. Even though things are still changing (& changing by the hour sometimes), I wanted to share a few thoughts.

Whether you are currently married or engaged to be married – my suggestion would be to take this time to intentionally pour into your marriage relationship.

There are tons of blog posts popping up everywhere about working from home, transitioning from public schooling to temporarily homeschooling – but I have been thinking specifically about the brides & grooms who are being affected by this horrible virus. With all the new regulations our government has been laying down in an attempt to “flatten the curve”, these brides & grooms are being faced with a set of impossible decisions. And trust me: the decisions that brides & grooms who currently have March, April, and May weddings planned are devastating. My heart is literally breaking for them – many of them have been planning their weddings for over a year & to suddenly have to make the decision to post-pone (or at the very worst: cancel) their wedding day – one of the biggest & happiest days of their lives – is just crushing.

I literally have no solid advice as far as making the decision to post-pone or cancel a wedding. I think that’s a decision that each individual couple has to make on their own, taking in all the factors (their location, the safety of their guests, if any guests will even come, etc.) That’s not what this post is about (although, if you’re reading this, and you’re in the boat of having to make that devastating decision, know that my heart truly goes out to you & if I can help in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me!)

A lot of us are working from home – or at the very least, spending more time at home than ever before. With all the social obligations stripped away, it’s the perfect time to strengthen the relationships within your home – with your spouse (and your kids). This is a challenging time for everyone – it’s stressful & scary. For some of us, these are the most taxing times that we’ve ever been though – so what better silver-lining to this whole thing than taking these trying days & becoming better husbands & wives for it.

DISCLAIMER: by writing this, I am in no way claiming that Derrick & I are perfect or even good at this stuff – we’re actually pretty bad at it. In fact, we got into a spat last night over something silly. We have been married for (almost) 10 years though, so even though I’m still not sure how that’s possible, we have learned a thing or two over the last decade.

How To Strengthen Your Marriage During This Corona Virus Pandemic

Trust one another that you both have each other’s best interests at heart

There is a lot going on right now – quarantines, non-essential businesses shut down, schools closed, and restrictions everywhere. More than likely, you & your spouse view this pandemic thru varying lenses – Derrick is definitely more of the optimist in our relationship & sees things much more positively than I do. On a scale of 1 to 10, he would probably rate the status of the world right now as a 7 or 8. I would rate it as an 11. We can read the same news article & walk away with completely different perspectives on what the author said – usually with Derrick seeing things as “not quite so bad” and me seeing things as “the world is ending”. With that being said – trusting that your partner truly has your best interest at heart is so important right now. If they don’t want you to leave the house, if they want to order take-out (even though you’ve stocked up on non-perishables), if they only wash their hands for 20 seconds instead of 30 – trust that they aren’t doing anything specifically to step on your toes & they’re just doing the best they can.

Enjoy your extended time together

Especially if you both find yourselves working from home – suddenly you will have all this extra time to be together. Maybe you’re working on laptops side-by-side on the couch or maybe you’re in separate rooms of the house, but having breakfast & lunch together. Or, maybe your spouse is an “essential” person who can’t work from home – but guess what? Unless they’re a doctor or a nurse, you still will have more time together at home than ever before. All social obligations have been stripped away! So, take that time & enjoy it. Cook dinner together. Read together. Binge a few shows on Netflix together. Clean & organize something together (the attic? the basement? the garage?) Fix up a room in your house you’ve been meaning to (paint the walls, rearrange the furniture, hang some art). Make the most of this time, because before you know it, things will go back to “normal” and we’ll all be flying a million miles an hour in a hundred different directions.

Get creative & do things “out of the ordinary”

With all this extended time together, things might get real boring, real quick (especially if you’re a super social person or a glass-half-empty person). It can be tempting to just lay on the couch & mindlessly play games on your phone or scroll social media. That wouldn’t be “making the most” of your time though, now would it? Play board games together, order take-out & set up a picnic on the floor of your living room, light candles & play jazz music while you do the dishes, set up a FaceTime “date” with friends – be creative!

Practice gratitude

Especially if you know you are a “glass-half-empty” person, this is the perfect time to start a “gratitude” practice. Whether it’s in a journal you keep with your spouse, on a white board in the kitchen, or you simply ask each other the things you’re thankful for at the end of the day – find a way to cultivate a heart of gratitude. So much is heavy & scary & stressful right now – I challenge you to find the bright spots in all of this crazy (and then, maybe keep this practice going even after the quarantines & closures have been lifted – who knows? Maybe this is just the start of your new “glass-half-full” personality).

Be honest: open up & talk about everything

Thru this whole pandemic, Derrick has been amazing at asking me how I’m feeling. He has been diligent to check in with me on a daily basis: what am I thinking? what are my concerns? and then asking, “Why?” It’s something I’m so thankful for, because it’s allowed me the freedom to say out loud exactly what’s going thru my head & heart. It’s put us on the same page & made us stronger together. No matter how many years you’ve been married or months you’ve been engaged, this is the perfect time to sit down & have an open & honest conversation about how you’re both feeling, how you’re handling the stress, and to voice your concerns.

But, especially if you find yourself in the boat of being a bride & groom with a wedding in the next 8 weeks – you both have some major decisions to make. You can seek counsel from your parents & other trusted sources, but ultimately, the decision to post-pone your wedding has to be made by you & your soon-to-be spouse. My suggestion would be: Take your time & weigh every pro & con. Talk thru every single scenario together. Express exactly what you’re thinking & feeling to one another. And then come to a unified decision together.

I won’t lie you guys, this is a wicked storm to face as an engaged couple. As I said before, the decisions brides & grooms have to currently make are just about impossible to tackle. But I promise, if you’re in that boat, working together as a unified team to make this decision will ultimately make you so much stronger in the end.

Marriage is full of decisions – big & small. But if you can weather this storm well, I promise, so many of the decisions that you’ll face thru the rest of your life will seem “easy”. You’ll forever look back & say, “Remember when we had to make decisions to shift everything about we planned about our wedding day?” and suddenly, other decisions won’t seem so major. Learning to talk to one another, to trust one another, and to lean on one another now, just helps to set the foundation of a strong & healthy marriage.