5 Ways To Make Family Formals Painless On Your Wedding Day

This post was originally published in 2020, but the concepts still prove to be solid and so true!

Let’s open up your imagination, shall we?

Let’s pretend, it’s your wedding day.
Now, maybe that day is years in the future. Maybe that day is currently being counted down. Or maybe that day is in the past. But no matter where that day resides (past or future), let’s go there.

Think through all of the prep that goes into the day, all of the planning.
Think through all of the smiles and laughter and tears, all the anticipation and nerves and excitement.
Are you there?

Okay, now thinking about your wedding day – what is one moment that sticks out in your mind as being the part you dread the most? Dread? That doesn’t seem like a good word to use in association with the “happiest day of your life”, but let’s be honest, there are parts of your wedding day that every person dreads. Whether it be walking down the aisle and feeling the pressure to have this “picture-perfect” reaction, whether it be standing up in front of 150+ guests and reciting vows, or whether it be your choreographed first dance that you’re scared of messing up – there are always moments on a wedding day that people dread.

In talking to brides and preparing for their wedding day, I’ve heard all of the above (and more) moments that are anticipated with fear instead of jubilation.

And another common moment of, “Can we just press the fast-forward button and get through this part of the day”: is formal family portraits.

We all know they have to be taken, right? Every single wedding day comes with this section of time where the bride and groom stand up with their immediate family for pretty, formal portraits. However! We’ve all been a part of (or at least heard the horror stories of) this section of the day and had it been absolute torture. Horror stories like: the photographer not knowing who should be photographed, Grandparents gone missing (oh, they left for the reception already?), the photographer not being able to control the groups of people, a parent (or great aunt) taking over and shouting out orders, or the photographer not being able to move seamlessly through groupings are all super common things to hear.

So, how can we make this section of the day better?

How can we make family formal portraits an easy going and fun section of time on your wedding day? After all, these photos are important, they aren’t just “tradition” on a wedding day, they’re legacy images. I might take thousands of images on a wedding day, but the ones that are always at the top of a bride and groom’s “printing” list are family formals.

Here are 5 quick tips for making family formal portraits absolutely painless on your wedding day:

Make A List and Check It Twice

I chat with all of my brides and grooms about 12-weeks before their wedding day about family formals. At that point, we begin to construct a comprehensive list of who should be included in these legacy portraits. Not only do we write out that list, but we talk about any special family circumstances that might come up during family formal time. Namely, I ask: are there any divorces, separations, deaths, or hard feelings I should know about ahead of time? Trust me, it’s not only super awkward for me (as your wedding photographer) to make an assumption about your “Mom and Dad”, but it’s super awkward for them, and for you too. So, we are sure to discuss all of that ahead of time, so that I know and can avoid any potentially sticky situations.

Further, another reason I like to begin discussing the family formal “list” at 12-weeks before the wedding, is that it gives you (the bride and groom) plenty of time to make adjustments or additions as needed. That way, by the time we go over the final details of your day, that list is pretty much set in stone and is one less thing for you to worry about! Does that mean we never deviate from a “list” on a wedding day? No way! We can always tweak things, but at least all the pressure isn’t on the bride and groom to come up with a list on the fly and under enormous pressure! Important people always get forgotten that way!

Keep Your List Short

I always suggest to my couples that we keep their family formal portraits to immediate family only. That means: Grandparents, Parents, and Siblings. If your siblings are married and have kids, those people obviously get added in as well, but those are who I initially begin constructing “the list” with. Maybe there is an aunt or uncle or set of godparents who have been particularly instrumental in a bride or groom’s life – fabulous! We’ll add them to the list. But outside of those folks, I usually suggest we save “extended family photos” until the reception. I am more than happy to follow a bride and groom around during the reception and snap away photos of them with a “Great Aunt” and this group of cousins and that flock of friends. Trust me, it’s not only much more relaxed and fun for them to do them that way, but it is for you too! (If there are specific photos that a bride or groom request, I put them on “the list”, but under the heading: “To Be Taken During The Reception”.)

Print Out That List and Hand It Out

Once we’ve settled on your family formal list, I always suggest that a bride and groom print out their list and hand out copies to everyone. Give a copy to your Mom and soon to be Mother-in-Law, your maid of honor, your sister – anyone who you know can help your wedding photographer keep people as moving along and organized as possible on your wedding day. Because, I hate to break it to you, even though we do all of this prep ahead of time, I still do not know the people we’ve listed on your family formal list. I do my best to guess (for example: usually Grandmas and Grandpas are escorted in at the beginning of the ceremony and have corsages and boutonnieres), but having people around who can not only help point important people out, but can help me keep people moving are huge lifesavers during this portion of the day!

Remind Important People

You may assume that your Grandparents (or even parents for that matter) know that they need to be present for family formals immediately following the ceremony (after all, haven’t they been through lots of weddings in the past? Family formal portraits happen at every single wedding!) But, you’d be surprised how many family members we have to run around and “catch” following the end of the ceremony. Whether they just aren’t thinking or maybe they get caught up in visiting with family from out of state or they get busy gathering up items that cannot be left at the church, it’s imperative that you remind the folks who are on your family formal list that they need to stick around immediately following the ceremony for some formal portraits. Reminding them at the rehearsal dinner plants it as a fresh thought in their head. And even though it might not 100% fix the problem (sometimes family members just get “lost”), at least you did your best!

Have a First Look and Do Family Formals Before the Ceremony

Another way to make family formal portraits super easy and relaxed is to do them before the ceremony. I know that First Looks aren’t for everyone, but if you are considering it, I’d also highly recommend considering asking your family to arrive at the ceremony location early, so we can knock out those formal portraits. That way, no one can “get lost” after the ceremony (there’s nothing worse than having to go “find” Grandma Mary), and as soon as the ceremony is over, your family go instantly go into “relaxed party mode”. They are immediately free to visit with their friends and family – especially those who have traveled in from out of state. If there are little clean-up tasks (like floral pieces that need to be transported over to the reception) that need taken care of, they are free to take care of those things. And you (the bride and groom) can instantly relax and have fun as well! There are a lot of perks to doing a First Look, and being able to complete family formal portraits ahead of time is definitely a big one!

So, there you have it! My top 5 tips for making family formal portraits painless on your wedding day!
I’d love to hear your thoughts! If your wedding day is in the past, how did the “family formal” time of the day go? Do you have any other tips or tricks you’d share out of your own experiences? I’d love it if you left me a comment and shared!