How To Be An Amazing Wedding Guest | Plugged vs. Unplugged Wedding Ceremonies

I'm starting a new "series" of blog posts called "How To Be An Amazing Wedding Guest".
Wedding season is upon us (most weddings anymore seem to take place in the late summer and fall seasons) so, I have some advice specifically for wedding GUESTS.
I've been a wedding photographer for 12 years and I've seen and encountered a lot of things that I always just assumed were common-knowledge proper-wedding-etiquette.
So, if I've learned anything, it's to expect the unexpected on a wedding day and I want to share some of my observations. After all - you'll (hopefully) only plan your own wedding once, but you'll be a wedding guest at quite a few weddings.

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I’m sure you’ve seen it – the signs stating that a couple is requesting their guests celebrate their wedding ceremony with them by being “unplugged” and fully present.

This does not mean that the couple doesn’t want extension chords running all over the church (people literally being “plugged in”) but simply means that a couple is requesting their wedding guests NOT to have their phones out.

• They don’t want the groom’s view of the bride walking down the aisle obstructed by a cell phone.
• They don’t want the bride’s view of her guests and their smiling faces as she walks in, hidden by cell phones.
• They don’t want their guests tempted to get in each other’s way, trying to get a better photo.
• And they don’t want to look at their professional photos (which will hopefully be printed in a wedding album) and simply see a sea of glowing cell phone screens.

There are a lot of pros to asking guests to put their phones away and keep them away.

However, for some people, “rules are meant to be broken”.
They see the sign and ignore it.
They see the note printed in the program and skip over it.
They even hear the officiant announce that the couple has requested an unplugged ceremony, and they still breeze past, assuming those instructions are meant for someone else.

Yes, I have photographed weddings where there has been a sign, a note in the program, and an announcement and wedding guests still pull their phones out.

This can definitely cause some conflict. After all – a bride and groom might not notice a guest standing there with their phone out in the moment – but guess what? These people cannot hide from the professional photographer. And if they are hanging out into the aisle, trying to get photos – well, they’re more than likely in my photographs of the wedding ceremony doing so.

Here’s the bottom line:

As a wedding guest, please respect the wishes of the bride and groom.

If they have requested an unplugged ceremony, you aren’t doing anyone any favors by pretending you didn’t see the huge sign at the entrance to the ceremony site. Trust that the professional photographers and videographers are going to do their job (like they’ve been hired to do) and capture amazing memories (that will be way better quality than your shakey iPhone 7 can deliver).

If the bride and groom has not requested an unplugged ceremony – that does not give you (as a wedding guest) permission to suddenly pretend that you’re a want-to-be wedding photographer or videographer either. Be respectful – of both the hired photographers and videographers and the bride and groom. The bride should not have to step around you as she’s walking down the aisle. The groom should never have to shift where he’s standing to see his bride.

If the bride and groom has not requested an unplugged ceremony – go ahead and take photos and videos (in a respectful way)!
But here’s the biggest bottom line of all:

Please send those photos and videos you take to the bride and groom. Whether you air drop them during the reception or text them later that weekend – don’t keep them to yourself! If you’re taking photos and videos, share what you’ve taken with the people you’re celebrating.

I know, it’s just second-nature for so many of us to pull out our cell phones and capture a memorable moment (some of us do it without even thinking). However, after posting some highlight photos to your social media channels, what are you going to do with those wedding photos? They’ll probably get backed up in the cloud or a hard drive and that’s where they’ll “die” a forgotten, tragic death.

If you take photos at a wedding – send those photos to the bride and groom.

Sure, they’re going to get better, clearer, sharper, higher-resolution images from their professional vendors in a few weeks, but sometimes having a few cell phone snaps immediately on hand to take on their honeymoon can be priceless to the couple.
After all, wedding days fly by faster than Formula Rossa (the fastest roller coaster on the planet), and sometimes having a few photos from their ceremony and reception can remind them of the amazing wedding day that they had.